A Tightly Edited List of Good Products

Not really a gift guide but it could be.

Last summer, I made it to the final round of interviews for the top editor role at a popular website that deploys affiliate links — which I think would’ve been a fun and interesting job — but I ended up bricking the final interview with TK IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE INDUSTRY when I doubled down on my argument that good taste isn’t intrinsic, and can in fact be learned. That, and my face probably performed some weird contortion when I was asked about my enthusiasm for Amazon Prime Day. But it’s all good! I like working at SSENSE, all things considered, especially since this is a rare publication where I can publish a story that contains a photo that says FREE PALESTINE without having to worry about an angry email from the C-suite.

I don’t think my taste is necessarily excellent or all that refined, but I do trust it mostly as a byproduct of being a relentless hater. Critique lends itself well to curation, and, in other ways, is a good thing to possess as a magazine editor.

I’m also of the belief that giving, in its truest and most generous sense, requires a nontrivial degree of discomfort, of which “gift guides” are designed to be a salve, and that contradiction is sometimes hard for me to wrap my head around. (Besides, not everyone is Kaitlin Phillips.) Giving should hurt, ideally more than a little, whether that’s your wallet, time, or labor. That friction is where the good stuff happens. It shows you’re paying attention to the person in question.

That said, a Tier 1 gift is to just give a lot of money to a good cause in the recipient’s name. Tier 2: a magazine subscription, a la Graydon Carter’s recommendation; anything handmade; or to come over to hang out for a few hours with a bottle of wine whose price tag stings a little more than usual.

Tier 3? Well, on the curation tip, I tried a lot of wellnessy stuff this year. Most of it was bad; the stuff below is good for yourself or for loved ones. (Last year’s recommendations are also still good—except the Whoop.)

EQ Infrared Patches ($10)

If you are familiar with HEAVIES lore you might know that my physical therapist was the medical director of the Korean Olympic team a few years ago, so he’s up on some futuristic shit that western medicine will catch up to in like half-a-decade. When I hurt my ankle in the spring, he hooked me up with a bunch of Infrared EQ Patches that he copped in Korea that warm up really fast and deliver “far-infrared wave energy” to your injured area. How it does this, I have no clue. You just stick them on and go with God.

Infrared is one of those quasi-annoying bro science things that actually works — I explained how here — and these patches are excellent for when you tweak your back by sneezing weird. Wearing one or two makes you feel like Wolverine.

Evil Bone Water ($40)

Shouts to HEAVIES friend Molly Young for putting me onto this TCM-inspired ointment that’s made in the garage of a kooky combat veteran based in Florida. Excellent name. And it really does reach far, far deeper into your bones than Tiger Balm or other analgesics. It smells good, too: like an overly fussy cocktail that they serve to you in a glass dome full of smoke.

Kint Cosmetics Concealer ($32)

Makeup for dudes is old hat but I love this stuff for quickly covering up pimples and other unsightly blemishes if you have an event. The virtual shade finder actually works, too.

Beetroot Powder ($16 for a pound)

Beetroot has a ton of natural anti-inflammatory properties and helps with nitric oxide production, which widens your blood vessels and delivers blood to all the places that stand to benefit from it. (Forearms, calves, brain, not necessarily in order of importance.) Beetroot figured somewhat prominently in Jordan Castro’s novel Muscle Man (discussed that on Macho Pod with Drew Millard and Yannick LeJacq recently here), and bodybuilders like to use it because it makes your veins look throbby and awesome. I get mine from Alive Herbals on Nostrand. Cheaper than whatever you’d get at GNC, plus you can order some nice teas and support a small business.

MYCE Drink ($25 for a four pack)

If you happened to come to any of our Office of Applied Strategy events, you may have tried MYCE, which is an entirely new category of energy drink. It uses a South African plant called Kanna to support serotonin pathways and promote calm and focus; kind of a spiritual antecedent to Celsius. Kanna is a natural SSRI, in fact, which means that if you take antidepressants you probably should not drink this stuff. But it’s terrific for writing and feeling productive. You (substackers) love that shit!

Arc’teryx LEAF Merino Beanie ($38)

Arc’teryx beanies are a stupid meme at this point but the LEAF version fits tight, maintains its shape, and is designed for cops and military personnel to wear while committing various human rights violations. Logo is barely visible. Good for running and working out.

ETERNAL (yearly membership includes bloodwork, fitness assessment, and DEXA scan) ($500)

This is a fantastic gift for someone you love, because ETERNAL’s service covers comprehensive bloodwork, a DEXA scan (bone density, etc.), and strength tests (see above). AND the service gives you you an ultra-tailored blueprint for fixing anything that might be ailing you or require some additional work. (My grip strength, for example, is beyond embarrassing, but my chest press is 99th percentile for someone of my modest stature.) Allow me to perhaps commit a quick HIPAA violation…

Through the bloodwork, for example, I learned that despite all my good habits I am in fact pre-diabetic, with an A1c of 5.7. This was shocking to me, of course…

…so naturally I went spiraling down a rabbit hole in which I learned that “prediabetes” is one of those uniquely American inventions designed to stoke anxiety in the general population: the distinction is simply too broad, to imprecise, to matter all that much, and it was invented in 2001 when the ADA wanted to light a fire under complacent doctors to take slightly elevated glucose levels seriously.

From a 2019 report in Science:

The World Health Organization (WHO) in Geneva, Switzerland, and other medical authorities have rejected prediabetes as a diagnostic category because they are not convinced that it routinely leads to diabetes or that existing treatments do much good. John Yudkin, a diabetes researcher and emeritus professor of medicine at University College London, describes the ominous warnings about prediabetes from ADA and CDC as “scaremongering.”

Anyway, Eternal is great and I recommend it if you can afford it.

Down to Ground Mattress Cover ($128)

If you really wanna get freaky and woo-woo might I suggest trying one of these grounding mattress covers, which plug into your wall and use a current to simulate the effect of touching grass. My friend Brendan put me onto it — and so did the energy healer whom we frequent — and now, despite my initial skepticism, I sleep like a baby. True dark wellness horseshoe maximalism. No, I won’t be arguing about this.