A Tiny Electric Zapper That Helps Clear Your Sinuses

And other Big Links for Friday.

I used to write a breezy Friday column for GQ called “Feeling This” that was basically a collection of cool stuff from that week, which was a lot of fun. I thought mapping something like that onto HEAVIES in between the bigger stories I’m working on could be nice and maybe even useful. Let’s call it Big Links.

Smash that like if you’re into it—and of course you can always DM me on IG to tell me you hate it.

Neat Little Sinus Zapper: I’m working on a longer reported story about nasal breathing and ~*the way we breathe now*~ (the original draft was annoyingly lost in my Conde Google Drive), but it’s a little wild that we’re midway through June and, at least here in Brooklyn, allergy season is still at full tilt. It’s not some figment of the imagination either; climate change appears to be ratcheting up pollen counts everywhere.

I’ve been taking a Zyrtec every night since March, and one thing I’ve found helpful—in addition to occasional sinus rinses—is this little electronic zapper called the ClearUP, which I bought with my annual health reimbursement a few years ago. 

It takes a few minutes, but basically, you use it to gently zap all the sinuses around your eyes and loosen up all the mucus. I usually do it after I wash my face in the morning; it helps get everything moving.

The ClearUP is not a cure all—technically you’re supposed to use it every day to get the most out of it, which I do not—but it does help me breathe through my nose a tiny bit better for the rest of the day.

Really beautiful cover of “The Boy With The Thorn In His Side” by the Smiths. It’s by a band called Galileo Galilei, and the Japanese translation of Moz sort of breezily lilts into the air in such a soft way that it gives lyrics like “BEHIND THE HATRED THERE LIES A MURDEROUS DESIRE FOR LOVE” a pretty new valance.

The guys have cool style too. Tip of the fedora to the big homie Hua Hsu, who holds the distinction of being the very first paying subscriber to HEAVIES. 

A Surf Legend’s Long Ride: Speaking of New Yorker writers, sound the airhorns—William Finnegan writing about surfing is always an event. This story’s a long profile of humble surf icon Jock Sutherland, one of Finnegan’s childhood heroes and Surfer magazine’s reader-picked No. 1 in the world in 1969. (Which, as Finnegan is dismayed to learn early on in the piece, is a merely a convenient invention of the magazine’s editor.) Note the subtle flex in which the author, 72, casually paddles out into the North Shore lineup on a huge day alongside Jock.

Spreadsheet Superstars: My favorite taxonomy of story might be profiling weirdos who are the best at whatever it is they do. Here, a really fun piece in The Verge about the Excel World Championships in Las Vegas and the accountants and analysts annihilating those hotkeys. (Was surprised to learn that Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella considers Excel to be most important consumer product the company’s ever created.) (Zune… look away.)

Does the Rise of Index Funds Spell Catastrophe? Made the mistake of reading this gloomy story from Harpers before bed; slept terribly. TL;DR: active investing is supposed to be a check on the market, the mechanism that keeps the financial sector healthy. So what happens when passive investing (like 401ks) becomes the overwhelming bulk of the market in a few years? Regarding our income, it’s almost as if putting the utmost faith in employers is maybe not the best idea.

An absolutely batshit quote in this little news nugget about Joey Chestnut being banned from the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest because of his sponsorship by Impossible Foods: “It’s a long-standing rule not to represent a rival brand… Michael Jordan can’t go to Adidas and say that Air Jordans are great.” Not a whole lot to say about this hilarious garbage rodeo, but it’s worth pointing out that Nike is contracted to make the league’s jerseys and athletes wear still wear Adidas sneakers literally every game.

And finally, tucked in this tremendous story about Kanye being a goofy boss is the revelation that Tadao Ando could throw hands.

Thank you for reading, truly. New post early next week.